missing him

so, this morning jeremy crossed the border into mexico. its really weird not being able to talk to him and see him whenever i want to. while he was traveling across the country, it wasn't so bad because i could still call him and text him. but now i feel the distance. and it sucks. there is an ache in my heart that won't go away.

probably the weirdest thing i experienced was the day that he left. almost immediately after he drove off, i started craving food. ice cream, popcorn, soda, coffee. all my favorite snacks and sweets. at first i didn't link the cravings to anything. but when i started thinking about it more, i realized that i wanted comfort food to help my feelings of sadness go away. and the more i thought about it, i saw that i do that a lot. if i'm stressed, i want to eat or get coffee. this pattern had never dawned on me before. rather than dealing with the feelings, i wanted to suppress them with surface pleasures.

we all do it. we want to fix the pain we feel, but we really only want to deal with the symptoms - not the root. we all have different problems and different ways of "coping". but coping isn't the solution. we shouldn't learn how to deal with our pain, we should learn how to be healed of our pain.

yes, i miss him. but, absence does make the heart grow fonder. and i believe that whatever temporary absence we have to endure, the sacrifice will be worth it, for the greater good of God's will. and i don't have to run from these feelings. i can confess my weakness and be vulnerable. and i can allow others in, to help get me through.

so what are you suppressing? what is so scary or hard to deal with that you have been hiding it, running from it, scared of it, ignoring it, "coping" with it. whatever it is, you can let it out. you can be free. maybe the situation won't change, but maybe your perspective will.