tired

journal entry: June 2008


I am tired. Not just because I woke up early. I am tired of running. Running from intimacy. I am tired of avoiding growth. I am tired of remaining the same.

Around me I see people changing, sacrificing, stretching, growing. And I am finally ready to see that in myself. I am ready to stop faking it.

So I'm seeking God. I'm seeking wisdom. I'm seeking growth and change in my life. I'm seeking genuine relationships. I'm seeking revelation.

I don't know why its taken me so long to get to this point. I admit, I've been pretty lazy, pretty apathetic. I've taken for granted the things God would have for me. I've settled for what's comfortable, what's familiar, what's easy. I've tried to figure things out on my own, depend on my analytical skills and mental acrobatics. Maybe I've put on a good show, but it hasn't gotten me anywhere. So I'm giving up on my own observations. I'm seeking God's observations.